Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Wake Me Up When It’s Over

I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. According to British researchers, January 24 is the most depressing day of the year. I don’t know if they polled people globally or just the ones who live in parts of the world where it’s cold and the sun never shines. Like Chicago.

I turned to Oprah for comfort. But she picked today to devote an entire episode to the deadly bird flu. Great. Her infectious disease expert now has me completely freaked that we DON’T HAVE ENOUGH SURGICAL MASKS!

In the spirit of the day, 10 things that I find depressing:

• Duh—we’re all going to die from the bird flu.
• “West Wing” canceled. So you’re telling me that some guy named Bush actually runs this country?
• Wonder Bread introducing wheat version. You have to eat it with organic peanut butter and 100% all natural fruit spread. Does everything have to be good for you?
• Petite “fashions.” Never wandered into this section at your favorite retailer? Here’s what you’ve been missing: the sensation that you’ve stepped into your grandmother’s closet; a fraction of the options available to “regular” women; really ugly clothes. We’re short but we ain’t blind.
• Dust. It just keeps coming back.
• I’ve never traveled outside the U.S., unless you count Canada, which I don’t. Not even the French-speaking part. Our upstairs neighbor just got transferred to a job in Oxford, England. And here all this time I thought it was his life’s work to annoy me with his guitar and bongos. I’d be turning cartwheels if I weren’t so full of envy. I hope he gets deported (after they confiscate the bongos).
• I’m pretty sure we’re the only people who lost money in the stock market in the ’90s.
• Snowboarding is an Olympic sport. No it’s not.
• Postal holidays. I miss my daily dose of love from the credit card companies.
• I just turned 39. But if I catch the bird flu in the next few weeks, I’ll never hit 40. Hah! I feel better already.


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