Guilty As Charged

Rolling Stone just posted its list of the 25 Undisputed Guilty Pleasure Bands. Pretty much every band that was wildly popular during my youth seems to have made the cut. Oh, Casey Kasem, you devil’s pawn, what evil hath you wrought?

But seriously, Rolling Stone, why pick on the ‘70s and early ‘80s? It’s bad enough that those of us who survived the period have to live with photographic evidence of how ridiculous we looked in plaid pants and shag haircuts, now you have to make us feel bad about the music that we loved? As if Matchbox Twenty or Train is any better? And whither The Backstreet Boys?

Well, to borrow from a song that I’m sure is on another Rolling Stone list, if loving these bands is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

1. Rush
2. E.L.O.
3. Journey—Guilty. When I was a sophomore in high school, I briefly dated a senior, who I thought was cool until I realized he wasn’t (kind of like Journey, come to think of it). “Separate Ways” became our theme song.
4. ABBA—Guilty
5. Chicago—Guilty. Unless they mean the Peter Cetera years. In that case, not guilty.
6. Boston
7. Foreigner—Guilty. Curse Olivia Newton-John, whose insipid, aerobics-inspired “Physical” kept the vastly superior “Waiting for a Girl Like You” out of the #1 spot nine—nine!—weeks in a row.
8. Bread
9. Bon Jovi
10. New Edition—Guilty. Including the post-Bobby Brown era.
11. The Monkees
12. Motley Crue
13. Styx—Guilty. Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me lad.
14. Eddie Money—Guilty
15. Simply Red—Guilty. Really? Now this is embarrassing—I thought they were cool.
16. Kelly Clarkson
17. America—Guilty
18. Wham!
19. R.E.O. Speedwagon—Guilty. I defy anyone to resist the opening chords of “Keep on Lovin’ You.”
20. Poison
21. Lionel Richie—Guilty. Though, in my defense, I was a fan of The Commodores first.
22. Kansas—Guilty
23. Air Supply—Guilty Squared. Just the other day, I was riding in the car when “All out of Love” popped up on the radio and I thought to myself, “You know, Air Supply really isn’t that bad.” For some reason, whenever I hear this band, it makes me think of “The Love Boat.”
24. Hall & Oates—Guilty. Really? Just because “your kiss, your kiss” is on my list doesn’t mean this band belongs here. Oates, maybe; their lame material, probably (“Maneater,” for sure); but Darryl Hall and that voice of his, definitely not.
25. Britney Spears