Know When To Say When

The latest J. Crew catalog arrived in the mail yesterday. And while I was pleased to see that at least one of the featured models was a brown-eyed brunette, what I saw in terms of clothing confirmed what I have believed for years—fashion designers are out to get us.

Every season there’s some hideous new trend were all supposed to rush out and imitate—this is the year of the blousy top or the cropped jacket or the metallic shoe. It’s time to put a stop to this dictatorship. Women of the world, I ask you to unite with me against the latest horror. Just say no to colored tights.

I’m not talking about chocolate brown or heather grey. I’m talking about purple, and yellow, and fuchsia. Paired with little black dresses and equally garish-hued high-heeled pumps. It doesn’t look good on lovely winsome long-legged models. Imagine the effect on women who eat. Or are short. Or don’t have the face of Angelina Jolie to distract gawkers from what’s going on below the knee.

I’ve been the victim of my share of fads—ruffles in the ‘80s, grunge in the ‘90s, low-rise jeans in whatever we’re calling the current decade. I finally drew the line at skinny pants and haven’t looked back since.

It’s the designers’ job to innovate; it’s my job to decide what works for me. Colored tights? I’m sitting this one out.