Free-For-All

Sen. Joe Biden just announced his candidacy for president. OMG! I’m so excited. Just yesterday I was in the middle of drying my hair when it hit me, Joe Biden has not yet formed an exploratory committee. What gives?

So, phew, my mind is at ease. Biden has officially entered the race. And now he can join the rest of the bottom feeders most likely to poll at about 2% with voters.

Because who isn’t running for president these days—besides Scooter Libby. I fully expect some PTA treasurer from Omaha to toss her hat in the ring any day now.

What with an outgoing president and a sitting VP who has no designs on the top spot if he has to be elected to it, we’ve got a feeding frenzy on our hands people. It’s like the Apple Store threw open its doors and yelled, “Free iPods! And not just the little Nanos! We mean the video ones!”

Joe Biden is not going to be the next president of the United States. Neither is Chris Dodd. Neither is that Huckabee dude from Arkansas, although his inspirational weight loss story might help him dethrone Jared as Subway spokesperson.

But they’re going to spend a lot of money and waste a lot of our time trying to convince us otherwise. And we’re going to let them.

I wonder about their motives. I wonder about their egos. I wonder about the thought process that goes on in anyone’s head where the outcome is, “I could be president.”

But I also wonder why the American public continues to tolerate an election cycle that everyone agrees is too long and too superficial and too polarizing. One that doesn’t produce the best candidates or anything even approaching an inspirational leader.

Say what you will about “American Idol,” but would that we had the equivalent of Simon Cowell in our political process. Someone to weed out the wannabes from the legitimate contenders before they ever get their 15 minutes on MSNBC. Someone to tell the tone-deaf, “Sorry. No. Next.”

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Grammy update: There is a god. Absent from earlier reports that The Police would reunite for a performance at the Grammy Awards—that the trio will open the show. So I do not have to sit through Best Surround Sound Album. I kid you not. This is one of 108 actual categories. Did I mention that I hate the Grammys?

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Now a message to my fellow Chicagoans: If we ever had hopes of shedding our Second City status, we have effectively eliminated all chances of such with the ridiculous Bears mania. We’ve got countdown clocks on local TV stations. (Did you know there are 4 days, 6 hours, 58 minutes until the Super Bowl? I do. Because Channel 2 keeps telling me so.) There are helmets on the lions outside the Art Institute. What would New York do? Act like they’ve been there before. Now let’s get back to focusing on more important issues. Like the fact that it’s cold. In January.